Edward V Turner

These are some of my favorite lines of yours.

You inspire me.

I am still me

No matter how much time I have had to plan this out

There's still only 24 hours in a day, and no matter how many clocks I have in my house

I'll never have had enough time.

I wrote most of this in a gold pen and all I could think was: 

"stay gold pony boy."

Paris was never a city here in Utah, and I was never good at being a tourist.

I was never good at saying my own name because I'm still not used to my own voice.

But hi I'm Madi Larsen

I've never been good at sitting still for too long.

I was never good at living in my own century without dreaming of another.

This galaxy is way too big for any of us to know everyone

But I am not a stranger in my own galaxy.

We all come from different latitudes and longitudes

But today we are all French

The only song I can play on the guitar

"Well the first time that I saw her,
Standing in the middle of the road,
Eyes as bright as christmas lights,
Wearing someone else’s clothes,
I did my best to ignore her,
But ignoring my best pretty soon,
We spent the night all tangled tight,
In an armchair in my friends front room,

I said darling you know,
Darling you know I can’t stay,
Cos I've given my heart and my word to a girl far away,
I felt week as she kissed my cheek,
And sighed when I heard her say,
Never knew I could get my heart broken in less than a day,

Oh and the next time that I saw her,
Must have been a year or more,
Face stained with mascara,
Shivering outside my door,
I did my best to assure her,
But assurance isn’t easy to give,
If you’ve never been sure of anything much,
And get less so the longer you live

She said darling you know,
Darling you know I can’t stay,
Cos I've given my heart and my word to a boy far away,
I spoke soft and pretended to cough,
Like I didn’t care either way,
Never knew I could get my heart broken in so many ways,

And the last time I saw her,
Standing in the pouring rain,
Hair a little shorter,
But everything else looked the same,
I could’ve told her that I adored her,
She could’ve said she felt the same way,
But we just smiled cos sometimes words,
Aren’t the right words to say,
We just smiled cos sometimes words,
Aren’t the right words to say."

Words 

By: Passenger

Dear Dory,

I'm rooting for you.

And not just because if you go down, you'll take me with you, but because you need it.

You're too adventurous for your own good,

but you're too lazy to do anything about it.

I've been sitting around for too long, bored from talking to these dust bunnies.

Let me out if this cage.

I have this itch to play the piano, and a longing to jump out of a plane head first.

I want to hike Mount Everest, and walk the length of the Great Wall of China, and sail from the tip of South America to the the shores of Australia, and even backpack across Europe.

I've been at the end of your leash for too long, and you've been at the end of a leash that's being held by your brain.

Let's try something.

Just for a day, let me switch spots with your brain.

I want you at the end of my leash and your brain at the end of yours.

Let me boss you around, just for a day.

And maybe, if you like it, I can be promoted permanently. I know it's a hard job, but I think I can do it. I've never been given the chance, but I think I'll surprise you.

I've had more influence on you than you think.

I'm the one putting songs in your head,

I'm the one who tells you it's okay to smile,

I'm the one who tells you it's okay to give me away, even though you'd be giving me away...

I'm the one who tells you it's okay to fall in love...

To love with all of me...

To love with all of you...

And I know I've steered you wrong with love in the past, but I've been observing you for awhile now and I can just tell

I think this one is gonna be different

Just remember I'm the one who told you it's okay to love love.

I'm the one who told you it's okay to be happy, even after all the stuff you've been through.

I'm the one who told you to experience life.

I'm the one who knows what you should do with your life, but you won't listen.

Your ears are full of water and your eyes are glued to the dictionary and your mouth is too tongue tied to speak out against your brain and your fingers are inter-twined with the strands in your hair and your feet are facing different directions and your elbows are pointing up and down at the same time and your knees are caved in and your back looks broken because you are slumped over in a tangled mess of hinges and puppet strings, dancing around to the beating of your...

brain

because I'm not the one holding the controls...

But when you're ready to dance to the beating of your heart, let me know.

I'll be waiting.

And if you're not sure who to look for, remember:

I'm the one holding the scissors.

Sincerely, your Heart

Her windows are beautiful

I have this paintbrush sitting in a box in my attic.
It's stained with tears, and blood,
and dipped in a coat of wood finish
and kissed with a dark shade of love.
All the bristles are falling out and it's dull from all the oils on my hands.
I've used it to paint her face,
and his face,
and her face again,
and their faces together,

but I can't seem to get their eyes right.

They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul,
but I'd never be able to do either one justice.

I've fallen in love with eyes,
I've fallen in love with souls,

and I've fallen in love with open windows.

How to find yourself

I've been playing marco polo with myself for years now.
I still haven't caught me yet and I probably won't for another lifetime or two.
But right now I feel closer than ever before.

My mom has this saying: "By experiencing who you're not, you discover who you are."


How to find yourself:


Close your eyes

Do liars really never prosper?

I lied.

I had butterflies last night.

i'm still scared

"I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink,

but now I'm insecure and I care what people think."

-TOP

Tell Me.

how do i know
if i am alive?

i mean,

i have a heartbeat,

and that should be enough to convince me.

but it's not.


this life is all about
living
and dying,

but one can only die
if they were alive to begin with.



i've always been afraid of dying,

but why?

the trees make it look so beautiful,

they radiate colors from every spectrum
and ever so gently fall apart.


i can only dream of being so ravishing,

even
with
the heartbeat.


i'll join the trees some day,
in more ways than one.


but for now,
i've got a heartbeat,

and diamonds on the inside.

i have a brick or two i guess

i found a brick in my shoe once.

one brick.

that was it.

but since then very few days have gone by without finding one hiding in my shoe

and each time, my chin was down
looking at my feet

i've been standing on a mountain of bricks for years

one for my siblings making me walk home from the park alone
one for the polaroid pictures on the floor of dad's work van, and another for the night i said i hated him.
one for my cat named cutie pie another for my giant goldfish named goldie (real original) and another for my lizard named chuck
one brick for the time i stole from the girl next door
and one more brick for when my mom made me go back and apologize

one for the broken barbie tricycle
one for hitting my chin on the bottom of the pool
and another for the garbage bags taped to my matress

one for my great grandma's funeral
and two for uncle jerry and aunt kathy

50 for the day my parents split up
and one too many for each day after that

one for the first time i saw my dad cry...
but one for every time i've found my mom crying since then

one for the day my mom got remarried...
but two for the day my dad did

one for each night my brother was gone
another for the lack of friends in elementary school

and another for almost every christmas since the divorce

one for my awkward first kiss

another for actually almost dropping out of school
and another for staying

one for each poem

ten for the day my heart was broken

and an extra ten for hunter dahl

one for my car accident
and one more for my cat.



i'm still collecting my bricks.


but now i'm looking up
because i'm building a staircase out of all the bricks i found in my shoes.

Since November

I keep trying to talk myself out of loving you.

But I found my heart in the compartment between the seats in your car.

time warp

All of the kids these days are texting.

But there's something more romantic about a pen and paper.



Take me back to what we consider to be old fashioned.

To a time when men were still men and not just boys wearing their grandfather's tie.

Back when "gentlemen" were really gentle - men,

And boys were taught to carry a handkerchief, because ladies cry.



Take me back to a time when men wore robes and sat on the porch reading the paper,

When kids said yes sir instead of screw you,

And parents were constantly in love.

Back when ladies wore flowy dresses because they were beautiful and not because it was a special occasion,

and men wore suspenders because they were practical.

Back when a man would give a lady his arm and guide her safely through the night,

and carry an umbrella over her head instead of his.



Back when top hats were the norm, and men weren't afraid to tip it in your direction and tell you how they feel about you.


Give me a man of my very own that opens doors, and gives me his jacket, and wears a top hat,and uses an old type writer, and possibly even sings me songs from the old black and white musicals.

Give me one that carries a handkerchief because i cry, and writes me old fashioned letters, and tells me how he feels, and dances in the rain with me.




I want an old fashioned kind of love.

Simplicity

I want my life to reek of Shakespeare

Thank God I'm not a robot

If I were a robot I wouldn't say mountain without saying the T.

People wouldn't tell me that I give good hugs.

And I would remember where all these scars came from...
I wouldn't have any scars.

If I were a robot i wouldn't keep praying for rain and leaves to fall
because colder weather would mean more malfunctions
and God knows I already have too many of those.

I wouldn't love black and white movies,

And I wouldn't love love.

If I were a robot I wouldn't make up stupid jokes that aren't funny to anyone else but me.

Or put extra butter in my popcorn.
Put popcorn in my butter.

I wouldn't be somewhat afraid of spiders

And I would never have peed my pants so much as a kid.

If I were a robot I wouldn't cry too much at funerals

I wouldn't have fallen in love with hardware stores.

And I definitely wouldn't have fallen in love with a tree.

i'm

scared

out

of

my

mind

"Give me a hand to hold,
and fingers that want to
wrap back around mine;
give me a heart that beats
and races, or slows, to
match the thumping drum
of mine. Arms that hold
as well as fold tightly
to be held. The push and
the pull, the give and the
fearless take. Love
is range, the grey
that lives in between the black
and the white."

-Tyler Knott Gregson-

A eulogy for my giving tree:

I spent my childhood with the willow tree in my front yard.

She was breathtaking.

And every day that we spent together was a new adventure.

She taught me how to dance through the storms and roaring winds that came my way.

I think I love the rain because of her.

Everyone else wanted to be a rock star when they grew up, or a movie star, or an astronaut.

But I just wanted to grow up to be like her. 

I wanted to be like her because she was so beautiful. And it wasn't a fake beauty that you see plastered all over magazines and commercials. 

It was a real beauty.

I wanted to be like her because she was so strong. And it wasn't a strength that you get from weights and protein shakes.

It was a real strength.

I drew my strength from her the day I went to the kite festival. And that day was the hardest day my little soul had ever had.

In my little world of too much change, there she stood:

 Constant. 

We moved away that August and left my best friend behind. 

I still came down once a month for visitation. 

But one day I found nothing but a stump. 

Still beautiful. Still strong...

Dear Willow,

I miss you.

things that actually matter

I wish my search history on Amazon consisted of things that actually matter.

Like record players.

And Candles.

And a ukulele.

And a pet fish.

And those strawberry candies that no one ever buys but they always show up somehow.

And albums of artists that I can't listen to on Spotify.

And books about how to be a better person.

And the first leaves that fall at the end of summer.

And polaroids of memories that no one actually took pictures of.

And a love story of my very own that makes me feel the same way Ocean Stone by Chris O'Brien does.

And a time machine... So I can go back and fix it.

Mad Hatter

The day I was born, society handed me a hat.
I carried it around in my back pocket until I was unsure of who I was.
Then one day I put it on.
I wore their hat for years, conforming to the idea that I had to be anything but real.

It slowly started coming apart at the seams.
Stitch by stitch.
I panicked.
I had grown attached to their dull, gray hat.
But this was my chance to make it my own.

I took a yellow spool of thread and a needle to it.
I sewed a silhouette of a willow tree onto it.
I sewed my name on it too.
And slowly over time it has become less of their's,
and more of mine.

Some day I'll have full custody.

I'm smiling

Sometimes it's a lot easier to find words to describe your sadness than your happiness. 

This is one of those times.

All I want is to be able to express why and how I am and have been so happy the last two days.

Maybe it's because yesterday's weather was perfect.

... But so was today's.

I can feel Autumn coming and I couldn't be more happy.

Maybe it's because I woke up with a smile on my face.

Maybe it's because I went to bed with a smile on my face.

Maybe it's because I ate kettle corn with that smile.

Maybe it's because I jammed out in the car with that smile.

Technically that smile just sat and watched while I jammed out.

Maybe it's because I played pool with that smile. 

Technically that smile played pool while I played a game of scratch.

Maybe it's because I bowled with that smile.

Even though bowling isn't anything to brag about.

The worst part of the last two days was watching a movie while that smile 

was on the other side of the room.

awakening.

I don't know how to start this thing out because I've read too much into this...
Quite honestly I haven't read much at all.
This whole new beginnings thing is intimidating, I should be pretty good at it by now but it turns out I don't know myself as much as I thought I did.

I thought this would be easier. But I'm just sitting here with a charlie horse torturing my second toe, and  I think I have ADD. I already had to turn off my music because I couldn't concentrate. 

I thought this process would go a little differently. 

I'm just alone here in my room, thinking about gigantic thunderstorms, 

and rambling on about nothing while the scent of a lavender candle entertains my senses.

I think I'm scared. Scared of sharing my soul with other people. 

I'm nervous that she isn't ready to meet new people yet. She's only just learned

how to ride a bike without training wheels.

She still walks around with her hair in pigtails and tastes crayons to see if they

actually taste like purple. She still puts her shoes on the wrong feet, colors on the walls 

like they were built to be her canvas, and screams her ABC's at the top of her lungs. She still wears 

a bib when she eats everything (and she will eat everything). She's still scared of the monsters in her closet, and still sleeps with a teddy bear named patches. She still plays with baby dolls, believes in fairies, and is scared of alligators coming out of the bath tub drain.

She still lives in a world of make believe.

I don't want her to wake up.

Can't I just send her to live in Neverland with Peter Pan?

That way she won't have to grow up.